Naked Discourse

It is that time of year- New Year's Resolution time

2012-01-16T10:43:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year everyone! I wish all of my friends and family and even people I don't know a happy, healthy and prosperous new year.

Now it is time for resolutions. I have stated in the past that I think resolutions are stupid because people never stick to them for very long and I always have to wonder why do you need a certain time of year to tell you that if you aren't happy with the way things are going in your life you should change them? I think this year I'm going to take a different approach. If you want to have a new year's resolution go ahead, I don't care. I have even made one myself, even though it is 2 weeks after New Year's Day.

My resolution this year is to stop being Ms. Nice Guy. I'm way too nice to people and I need to stop. I am constantly being bullied and treated like shit and walked all over and taken advantage of. I recently cleaned house as far as my friends and who I want in my life. I can't deal with high maintenance people anymore. If you don't have something positive to contribute to my life, then I don't need you in it. Plain and simple. Of course this is going to exclude a lot of people, but I don't really care. And hopefully if people think that I am such a good friend worth having, maybe they will think before they treat people so badly in the future. I don't need "friends" who use me and hurt me. It just isn't worth it.

I also joined a new gym this year. Let me just say, you really do get what you pay for. I hadn't been to the Y in about a year because I couldn't stand it there. There were always so many kids running around in places they weren't supposed to be (like the adults only locker room where the sign clearly stated that children were not allowed in there) and the entire Y catered to kids. I understand that is the purpose of the Y, so I can't really fault them too much. I should have switched to an adults only gym a long time ago. It wasn't just the kids though, it was the attitude of everyone at the Y. They were so closed minded and judgmental. I realize that being in the south I'm just going to have to accept that it is isn't like being in the Northeast anymore. The Y that I used to work at was tolerant. You could be any race, creed, sexual orientation or religion to go there. Not down here. And the staff wasn't even considerate. I spent $200 to get swimming lessons which I had to take in a group and the instructor told me "It isn't rocket science, why are you afraid to put your head down". Well, it isn't rocket science, it is called a fucking fear genius. You are the one who is supposed to help me get over the fear (I'm not afraid of water and I can sort of swim-I just don't keep my head down I look up because I'm afraid of not seeing where I'm going). How dare they talk to me like that though? I'm paying them. On top of it we always had to wait until 9:30pm to be allowed to use the pool because the kids had to use it first because they had to go home and go to bed. Are you serious. They get out of school at like 2:30 to 3:30 and they have the pool from that time until 9:30pm every night. I need to go home and go to bed too! I can't be out all hours of the night, I get up early and go to work. Plus with all of those kids, the pool was disgusting. Every time I went to the gym I got sick. And I won't even get into the people in the cycle class. How can you teach a cycle class and play music that makes me want to curl up in a corner and slit my wrists? You are supposed to play upbeat fast tempo music to keep us all pumped up. Why would you play some depressing quiet shit with lyrics about death and crying our eyes out?! Not to mention that they always had cycle class right at 5pm or 5:30 and I couldn't get from work to the gym in that amount of time.

But all of that is behind me now. I have joined a new wonderful gym that is adults only. There are no children allowed there. It is amazing. It does cost a little more money per month, but it is well worth it. You get full sized towels (as many as you want) the locker room is gorgeous and clean. The lockers have digital locks so you don't have to give the front desk your keys to hold (creepy). They have free coffee and water. The pool area is amazing. There is a therapy pool so I can just go in there and walk for a workout if I want to, and a lap pool for my new swim lessons. There is also a hot tub that I'm going to use to relax after long workouts as a reward. I've gone to 3 cycle classes and I loved all of the instructors. You get two free training sessions just by joining. And the gym hasn't been so crowded yet that I can't work out. And the patrons that go to this gym actually want to be there and they aren't meat heads throwing weights around or anorexics who stick their nose up at you. It is connected to Rex hospital so most of the people who are there have physical problems and are doing some sort of therapy. There are very fit people who work out there but they aren't obnoxious or rude. The whole place just makes me feel so welcome and comfortable. I love it. And if you love your gym you will go more often.

Anyway, so far I'm down four pounds. I have gone back to caring about myself and what I eat and I'm just paying attention and not treating myself like shit anymore. I have to love myself and take care of myself.

I hope everyone else is able to keep up with the goals that they have set for themselves this year as well. I'll keep everyone updated on my gym progress.

How not to host a dinner party or other event

2012-01-16T10:07:00.000-08:00

Rule number one, don't wait until 3 days before an event and send a cryptic text message with no address or time inviting someone to a party for someone they hardly know. "Oh by the way, I was supposed to invite you to a birthday party for Tina who has never had a birthday party, you know so and so's something or other. It is going to be at Nic's house on Thursday, come whenever." - This is entirely inappropriate.

Rule number two, if you can't afford to throw a party, don't. This means if you can't afford to at least have cheap hors d'oeuvres set out for guests, (or a fucking bowl of chips and dip) then don't throw the party. If you can't afford simple alcohols, such as an inexpensive domestic beer and some inexpensive white and red wines (enough for each guest to have 2 servings) then either tell everyone it is a BYOB party (still tacky- but at least they are warned) or don't have the party. For that matter you could at least have soda available so we aren't stuck drinking tap water. Grown adults expect food and alcohol at a party. Also, taking apart nutty bars and putting them on a plate as an appetizer, does not count and is disgusting. You aren't fooling anyone with your lack of preparation.

Rule number three, children do not belong at adult parties. If you have children and you bring them to a party, please don't bring them while they have the flu or some other contagious disease and then allow them to cough and sneeze all over the dinner table while we are eating.

Rule number four, if you can't cook, don't. Order a fucking pizza, but don't make us sit there and eat the slop you call food. No one expects you to be an executive chef, but seriously, you have no taste buds if you think your cooking is actually good and it makes me want to vomit. And if you make shrimp for people, take the fucking tails off for christ's sake. Unless it is shrimp cocktail the tails should never be served on the shrimp.

Rule number five, don't ask your guests to bring everything for your party. That is just rude. I could have stayed home and had a great time with my food and my drinks.

Rule number six, don't get drunk and pass out on the living room floor at your own party. Also, don't throw up in the kitchen sink in front of everyone.

Rule number seven, make sure there is toilet paper in every bathroom and make sure there are extra rolls. Never leave an empty roll in the bathroom knowing damn right well you are having guests over. What the fuck is wrong with you!

Rule number eight, while you don't have to hire a maid, you should at least attempt to clean your house somewhat before having guests over. Piles of clean or dirty laundry should at least be hidden in the back of a closet if you don't have time to deal with them properly. The trash should not be overflowing and you should run the broom or vacuum really quickly before people show up. Also, maybe dust quickly if you don't have time to sufficiently clean the house, at least hit the areas where you know people will be.

Rule number nine, do not let your cat or dog or hedgehog walk on the kitchen tables and counters, it is disgusting.

Rule number ten, make your guests comfortable. I realize that you have been cooking and cleaning and preparing all day long but if it is 25 degrees outside and it is about 40 degrees inside and my teeth are chattering and I have on a sweater my coat, gloves, hat and scarf and you have the door open because you've been drinking wine for the past 3 hours, something is wrong here.

I can't think of any more rules because I just feel like this is common sense. Clearly it is not common practice though as I have now gone to two dinner parties in the past few months that have had all if not at least half of these issues come up. I'm not perfect, but I have never had people to my house without being prepared.

"Everybody knows That the world is full of stupid people..."

2011-12-29T11:22:00.000-08:00

I always try my hardest not to be a judgmental bitch, but today I just can't help myself. I don't know if it is a full moon, or if it is just me being who I am, but I am so extremely frustrated with stupid people. I honestly want to scream at the top of my lungs: "HEY MOTHERFUCKERS, STOP BEING SO GODDAMN STUPID!!!"

The reason I try not to speak out on this topic or call people out on their stupidity is because then it makes me look like the bad guy. Then people think that I'm just negative or a bitch. Both of those might be true, but they are only 2 attributes among numerous that I possess. And I really would prefer to be considered a bitch than a fucking moron.

So here are some of the most common examples of idiocracy that I have recently had to deal with:

1). Friend asks: "Should I buy this really obscenely expensive washer and dryer because it looks really cool and commercials are making it look like it can do my laundry, and my taxes and feed my dog, or should I be more economical and buy a regular washer and dryer like a normal person"?

The most common response people gave for this question is: "why of course you should spend thousands of dollars on an Electrolux front load washer and dryer because it is shiny and new and pretty and has all of these buttons that I don't know what the fuck they do (because mixing a computer with a washing machine is a genius move considering most Americans don't know how to operate either independently). Never mind the fact that front load washers have notoriously had issues with breaking within a year or two and they have that whole mildew smell because the water can never fully be released from the inside of it (who cares about that smell, just buy that Tide stuff they invented to mask the smell and wash your washing machine--- gee, marketing at its best)."

2). Friend says on a daily basis: “I’m so poor, I can’t afford anything. I can’t afford to buy medicine for my children or food or pay my bills. I always have to skip paying bills sometimes and I have ruined my credit because I bought a house and car and a bunch of other shiny things that I couldn’t afford to keep up with the Joneses so that I can coax my ego because I’m lacking in some other way.”

Then after Christmas same friend says: “With my $4,000 Christmas bonus, I bought 3 of my kids a DS3 and a ton of games, I got my son an Xbox 360 Kinnect with a bunch of games and I bought my daughter $200 ugly boots. Now I’m really broke and can’t pay my bills again.” Yet they are appalled when I state that I saved most of my bonus check, minus giving some money to charity and buying a few small gifts for close friends and family. “What do you mean; you still have $3,500 left," is what they say. This makes me want to slap them senseless. Problem is; they are already senseless.

3). Co-worker says on a daily basis: “My husband is a millionaire and I don’t have to work and I can afford to live in a mansion and we have a BMW and we’re getting another one and we own two houses because we had to buy my daughter a house because she is one of the above mentioned fucking idiots who has shitty credit and can save any money to buy her own goddamn house. Now I need knee surgery to fix my fucked up knee, but I’m going to skip that and just trade in my brand spanking new 350Z convertible that I only bought because I have an extremely low self esteem for a Lexus SUV.”

One week later: “well it seems that I’m not getting a Lexus SUV because they don’t have the color I like so now I’m going to look at Kia and Hunyadi instead.”

My thought: “REALLY?! You mean it has nothing to do with the fact that your husband really isn’t a millionaire and you really can’t afford to buy a $40,000 car?” Furthermore- even if one can afford to buy a $40,000 car- first why would you buy a Lexus? Second, why do you need it? Just because you can afford something, doesn’t mean you have to buy it. Oh wait, that makes me a communist. Shit. When they need bailing out in the next few years though, they’re going to be looking at us commies to share our wealth that we had the goddamn fucking sense to save. At which point I’m going to Africa and I’m giving all of my money, every last red cent to some tribe, before I “bail out” some asshole American who doesn’t deserve it.

4). Stupid woman goes into a Target knowing damn right well that she was lactating and that her child would soon be hungry (it isn’t fucking rocket science- babies eat on a schedule and you know when they will want to eat again). Instead of being a civilized human being and going somewhere appropriate to breast feed her child, she decides to just plop down in the middle of the dirty disgusting floor in the women’s section in Target and whip out her tit and breast feed the little monster. Then she gets pissed because people give her dirty looks, then she calls the media and gets a bunch of other lazy bitches who don’t want to work and just know how to pop out babies to “protest” with her by breastfeeding in Target stores all across the country.

My first response is: who gives a fuck about breasts. They are part of the human body just like arms and legs. This is the most ridiculous thing Americans worry about. They over sexualize EVERYTHING, and then act like it is taboo. What the fuck! This isn’t an issue in Europe. They aren’t afraid of gay people in Europe either, because they don’t have the sexual hang ups that stupid Americans have.

My second response is: stuff like this does not ever happen in Saks 5^th Avenue or Neiman Marcus. Shit, it wouldn’t even happen in a Nordstrom’s for that matter and they aren’t even an upscale department store. But the people who shop in these establishments not only have some tact and decorum but they have something that these “Target moms” seem to lack, which is self respect. Now I don’t personally have a problem with seeing someone breastfeed, just like I don’t have a problem with any other body parts being used appropriately in public. Who gives a fuck?! What I have a problem with; however, is someone having no care for other patrons and sitting in the middle of the floor. What is she, 5 years old? Must be, since when asked if she would be more comfortable in a dressing room (where there are CHAIRS- you know like normal civilized people sit on) she threw a fucking temper tantrum and called in the media and made a huge issue over something that is not even an issue. No one ever asked her to not breast feed in public, they simply asked her to get the fuck up off the damn floor and not only have common courtesy for anyone else shopping in the store to be able to walk down the aisle, but also to stop making a fool out of herself which is what she was doing. If I had been in the Target while this was going on, I would have “accidentally” tripped over her, her stupid kid and her dumb boobs. Then I would have sued her for being a dumb cunt.

5). Crazy bitch on a pitbull website (which is constantly preaching to everyone to educate others about how wonderful pitbulls are) is telling people that they should never ever ever in a million years ever feed their dog people food. She claims that if dogs ever eat people food it will kill them and that it is “better to be safe than sorry when it comes to furbabies”.

My response: First of all, people can’t even be bothered to feed themselves properly, so I don’t think they are smart enough to figure out how to feed their pets properly. Second of all, dogs shouldn’t be eating store bought dog food because it is filled with fillers that are not good for dogs and dogs can’t even process half of the bullshit found in common pet foods. Third of all, most pitbull owners actually feed their dogs a raw food diet consisting of mostly raw meat and raw eggs, and raw veggies, etc. I know many people who make stew for their dogs and their dogs have lived for nearly 19 years. I also know many people (mostly in the south) that have never fed their dogs dog food, but rather have always given the dog scraps. That is what dogs ate back in the day when people couldn’t afford dog food but needed dogs on their farms to work.

6). Christians and their ridiculous beliefs- in particular that Tim Tebow is somehow an important being since he is a Christian and a football player that is less than average at his sport. They are no longer worshipping god, but rather they are worshipping Tim Tebow. And now these holy rollers are ripping Bill Maher apart because he states the obvious, that hey Tim Tebow might just be a regular person, who can actually have a bad night and throw some interceptions and maybe, just fucking maybe god is not sitting up in heaven watching and controlling fucking football games.

Look, I could never say it as well as Bill Maher, but I have to say it: Christians are the most ridiculous fucked up crazies on the face of this earth. I went to a Christian school so I know this first hand. They are out of their minds and I try to stay as far away from them as I possibly can. I also think that they are extremely, extremely stupid. Like Bill Maher says: "Why is the purposeful suspension of critical thinking a good thing?"
I’m not the only one who believes this so I will actually back up this rant with a few of my favorite quotes:

“Faith is believing in things when common sense tells you not to”~ George Seaton

"The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshiped anything but himself." ~Sir Richard Francis Burton

“When we blindly adopt a religion, a political system, a literary dogma, we become automatons. We cease to grow." ~ Anais Nin

But of course I could never ever say any of what I’m thinking or feeling to anyone on any of these topics. Since no one actually reads my blog, I figure I’m safe venting here, and it will keep my friendships intact.

Oh honey, there's no difference between a 4 cylinder engine and a 6 cylinder

2011-12-29T08:20:00.000-08:00

That is seriously what a car salesman said to me recently. Anyone who knows me, knows that it took every single bit of constraint that I have in my body to not kick him in the balls and run him over in said vehicle. Now, I am the first to admit that I don't know much about cars, but I do know that there is a difference between a 4 cylinder engine and a 6 cylinder engine. I know this because I've driven both and with my lead foot, I know, and my fiance agrees, that I NEED a 6 cylinder engine. It all comes down to the way I drive. I'm not trying to impress anyone or race people at red lights, etc. I'm not going to modify my vehicle to some sort of rice rocket. I need a strong engine because I like to jam on the gas, and the car needs to go when I do that. Otherwise I'm going to tear up the transmission (I don't actually know how a transmission works, but Jeremy tells me this). And trust me, until you have driven in some ridiculous North Carolina bumpkin traffic you couldn't possibly begin to understand the need to be able to punch the engine and get the fuck around some goddamn moron who is reading his Bible going 10 mph under the speed limit in the left lane. Trust me, I'd drive on the Santa Monica Freeway or on 95 in Washington DC any day before I would choose to drive in this mess down here. That is why I almost always take the back roads to work.

Anyway, I had done quite a bit of research on vehicles and I had it narrowed down to a very few cars that would work for my needs and within my price range. Or at least what I thought was my price range at the time, but I explain that later. So I really liked the Subaru Outback. I have liked it for about 2 years now since I saw a 2010 at Lowes one day and I had to ask the woman driving it all about it. Jer loves Subaru and had a WRX wagon that he modified to do all sorts of things that he wanted it to do (hated to ride in that car). I knew that Jer would not object to me choosing a Subaru. They are really good cars and actually they are worth the money because they have higher resale value (if you can find anyone willing to sell one- most people keep them FOREVER). So I looked up all of the information I could on Subaru Outbacks on the internet. I joined forums and talked to other owners of the vehicle. Then I made my first mistake, which should not be a mistake at all. I went to a car dealership alone, ie without a man. That is when the salesman, whom I didn't want to talk to in the first place made the above comments. What he obviously didn't know is that I knew that the 4 cylinder Outback had a CVT transmission. I can't describe what a CVT transmission is, all I can tell you is that when I drove it, I HATED it. It felt like it had some sort of lag. It sounds like it spools up like a Turbo engine, but that is not what is happening. In any event, it felt slow like I was dragging something and I couldn't just punch the pedal and make it go. I have already made it perfectly clear that I need to be able to jump out in traffic and get up to speed quickly. Jeremy didn't like this type of transmission either because he felt that it was going to "have problems" in the next few years because the technology hasn't exactly caught up to what car manufacturers are trying to accomplish. He said the only car that does it properly is the Audi. Jeremy knows everything that there is to know about cars, so I trust him.

So, we went all over the Triangle to find a 3.6 Outback. Finally, I did find one that I liked, but the dealership was not willing to negotiate price. Mind you this car was Ruby Red (people who buy Subarus- in particular Outbacks- are granola heads who only like the colors green and khaki) and had been on the lot for over a month and this was the beginning of December. If I were a salesman, I'd be trying to push this car off the lot in order to make a good commission before the holiday. But alas, the dumb kid lived at home with his parents and likely had no motivation to sell any vehicle for less than sticker. Me on the other hand, I have bills to pay and I can't justify paying sticker price for a vehicle, nor can I justify paying $29,000 for something that is not a "luxury" vehicle. And I wasn't in the market for a luxury vehicle right now, that just isn't my lifestyle at this point.

Price also knocked out my second choice which was a Volvo XC60. And no I was not interested in the car because of the Twilight movie, like the salesman at this dealership insinuated. He's lucky I didn't fucking bite him for saying that. Why do these men think that women are that stupid? Oh wait, most women are that stupid. I digress. This car was luxurious. It had so many bells and whistles that I was afraid I wouldn't even know how half of the car worked. I also feared that with so many extra "safety" features that they were more likely to break and then I'd either have to pay a lot for them to be fixed or in the long run they would cause other problems with the car, likely electrical problems since everything in this car is electric. I do understand and embrace technology, but part of me believes if something isn't broke, don't fix it for the sake of just making something seem new or cool. I don't need an electric parking break. I want a real parking break.

All of this lead me to feel defeated and ready to just give up on the entire car buying process. I couldn't find anything that satisfied my desire for a decent car with a 6 cylinder engine that didn't cost a whole arm and a whole leg. BTW, that Volvo was a 2010, and it was not in good shape inside (holes in seats, etc) and the were asking some ridiculous amount like $32,000. I literally laughed in the guy's face and left. Let rich vampires buy those cars. I'm smarter than that. It isn't that I can't afford these prices, it is just that I don't feel like cars should cost this much and I have other things that I want to spend my money on like expensive make up and conditioner. (I know I'm so shallow--- suck it).

At a last ditch effort I searched one last time for a vehicle on Cars.com. I didn't discriminate on make/model, I just wanted to see what was out there. This brings me to my next point: where do car manufacturers in this economy, after just having been bailed out get off pricing cars so high? I mean do they do that and then offer rebates for 10's of thousands of dollars off to make people feel good? I don't get it. I can't understand why anyone in their right mind would pay $33,000 for a Ford Edge. Are you fucking crazy. Shit, if I had that I'd go back and buy the goddamn Volvo, even with it's deficiencies. A FORD, really???!!! I mean even the Ford Exploder--- I mean Explorer is priced at around $23,000. Are they sniffing glue over there at Ford? This vehicle should cost about $13,000, maybe $15k if it is fully loaded or something. But there is no reason that any Ford (with the exception of like their huge trucks) should cost more than $20,000. Fuck, I could get a Mustang for less than an edge--- that is dumb. I've owned 2 Fords in my life and honestly, I would never again buy an American car. I'm not going to debate this with people, it is a proven fact that American cars are inferior. FACT! You can't dispute it by saying that any car can break down or have issues and if you take care of any car it will be good. Certain cars have design flaws and will break down or have something go wrong more than others. And I'm not being a snob, because I wouldn't buy a BMW or a Mercedes either, or a Volkswagon for that matter. They are all cheap knockoffs of real "luxury" cars. And people who drive them are dickheads. They think they are better than everyone else because they were stupid enough to spend ridiculous amounts of money on a vehicle- something that fucking depreciates. Why do they do this? Either they have a low self esteem and need to impress people or they have small a small penis and need to impress people. Either way, I'm not impressed.

So what car did I end up getting, you must be wondering. Let me preface this with this quick story: the first car I ever bought and made payments on was a Honda Civic. It was a 95- aqua. I bought it in 2000. I was scared to death because I'm slightly commitment phobic (could explain why Jer and I have been together for 11 years and are not married, but I digress). My payments were like $189/mo. HAHAHA! Nice, huh? Anyway, I loved that car. I was good to that car and it was good to me. I never ever ever had any problems with that car until some dumb ugly fucking bitch in a giant GMC fucking SUV decided to be a whore and smash into my car because she couldn't wait her turn in traffic. Once that happened my car was not the same. Mechanically it was still perfect, but it ended up leaking water into the trunk and then eventually into the back seat. I tried to get it fixed a few times since insurance was paying for it, but it just couldn't be fixed properly. It is hard to explain how bummed I was when I realized that I had to trade it in for something else. That being said, Honda is not the same company that they used to be. And a lot of their cars that were built in the early 2000's had many issues that made me not trust the brand for a while. Even Jer was suggesting the new Honda CRV to me and while I would have considered it if I had not found my car, I did hesitate. But alas, just searching through cars on cars.com my baby appeared. Actually, there wasn't even a picture of it, just a price and the specs. I was in love with and it and I had to go drive it so I called the dealership immediately and set up an appointment. Then I did all the research I could on this vehicle to make sure I offered them the best deal. See I'm not trying to make a sales person not make any money. Of course they need to make something, but they don't need to rape people's bank accounts to make money. And this salesman was nothing but professional. He didn't treat me like a dumb woman, he didn't patronize me or act like I didn't know what I was talking about. Actually, he didn't know as much about the vehicle as I did (I bought it from a Mercedes dealership- go figure). We didn't have to haggle much about pricing because he knew that I wanted the car and I had my high amount and he had his amount and either we would come to an agreement or I would walk out. We came to an agreement that we were both happy with quickly. Everything else was a breeze.

So... Here is my new car (well, it is a 2010):

It is an Acura RDX. Now I thought this vehicle was completely out of my price range when I first looked, but come to find out this one was right within my price range (I paid $24,700- people should not be afraid to tell others what they pay for their vehicles, it is the only way that consumers will ever be able to comparatively shop and get a fair deal- otherwise the dealership has all of the negotiating power and how is that fair?)

This really is the perfect car for me. It has everything that I wanted and then some things that I didn't even consider. It is a 4 cylinder but with a Turbo, which is exactly what I need to dart out into traffic. Anyway, I've had my car for about 3 weeks and I am absolutely in love with it. It is the best decision I have made when purchasing a vehicle since my first little Honda.

Bah Fucking Humbug!!!

2011-12-06T19:35:00.000-08:00

So, I'm not typically a Grinch type. As a matter of fact I love giving gifts to others and I really don't care about receiving any gifts. Mostly because I know my friends are poor and can't get me anything, but it is the thought that counts and they always give the most thoughtful gifts. Plus, to me their friendship is a gift. No, I'm not typically this sappy either- here comes the bitchfest:

I know that Jer and I make decent money. We don't have any children and we have enough "stuff" in our lives. The one thing I look forward to every single holiday season is buying gifts for our needy families that my company adopts each year. Buying stuff for these people, especially when I get them something extra that they didn't even ask for and aren't expecting absolutely makes my holiday. The only thing that would make it better would be to watch them open the gifts, but I don't deliver them. This year there are so many things just pissing me off about the whole thing that I have to vent about it.

First off, I work with a lot of extremely wealthy people. I know this because I know how much they make per hour (that is part of my job- I'm not just being nosey). I work with people who make $300,000/year and some of them more than that, plus not to mention what their spouses make. Not the point. How much money people have is absolutely none of my business. But what I'm pissed about is that these people are the first people to bitch and complain that they didn't get enough of a bonus (mind you their bonus is like $30k a year) and they absolutely refuse to donate to our adopt a family. Granted, I don't know what other charities their money could possibly be going to, but after talking to some of these people, I highly doubt they are very charitable at all. Regardless, the list of people every year who contribute to this event are the people who make the least amount of money. Me being one of them. At my work, I'm one of the lowest on the pay scale, but I purchased the most for these families. I am not looking for a pat on the back; I didn't do it for me, I did it because these people are in need. But I just don't understand why the rich people couldn't kick in at least $50. I mean I spent $200 of my own money and it was easy for me. These people could probably throw $50 in the trash and not even realize it!

The other thing that upsets me is there is someone who is organizing this donation drive and has for a few years and I'm not entirely sure what her deal is, but she is taking the monetary donations and spending them entirely inappropriately. I don't think these people get it. Maybe they've never had to save money or know what it is like to go without things in life. So this lady took $50 and spent it on 1 bathrobe at Macy's. Anyone who has ever set foot in Macy's knows that they are EXPENSIVE. Now, I'm not saying they don't have good quality, nice things, because they do, but they are really pricey. And if you are buying something to give to a charity, shouldn't you try to stretch that dollar and get as much as you can for your money? The woman she was buying for also asked for nightgowns, but this person said "I couldn't get her any because the robe was $50". Are you out of your mind?! Walmart has bathrobes for $15.99 Hell my own bathrobe was only $20 for crying outloud. And sure I guess this person deserves a nice robe, but I bet she would have appreciated having both a robe and a few nightgowns like she asked for. But the person doing the shopping told me she has never shopped anywhere but department stores. She had never been in a Ross or TJ Maxx. Ugghhh! Problems rich people I have I guess.

On top of all of that I'm looking at the list of the families that we were given. We don't choose them, we contact the Department of Health and Human Services and they have lists of families in need and what they want for Christmas. This is going to sound really terrible, but I'm going to hell anyway so I might as well just say it: There is a woman asking for help who has 5 fucking children. 2 of her children are old enough to actually be working themselves. One is 18 and one is 17. One of her children is a 9 month old baby. I feel bad for saying this and thinking this, but I just can't help it, logic prevails--- If you are that poor, keep your goddamn fucking legs closed. I mean she was already a single mother to 4 kids and she thinks that having another one is a great idea? In this economy, already knowing that she can't support the ones she has. Don't get me wrong, I'm not taking this out on the kids, I bought them a TON of gifts. Nice gifts too. I actually didn't take it out on the mother either, I bought her some nice things too. She only asked for cleaning supplies, but I got her some other little things for her to enjoy. I mean like I said, it isn't my place to dictate how many kids one can have or any of that, it just annoyed me to see that I spent so much money on one family and the other family where the lady only had 3 kids I ended up spending less in the long run because she has fewer children. But I guess that is my fault because if I had thought about it before hand I could have compensated for that. Also, I don't know either of their situations. For all I know their husbands just recently died or something. I mean I would never want to be in their shoes, and I have all the sympathy in the world for them which is why I do this every year, but part of me wants to donate my birth control pills to the woman.

Ok I'll get off my high horse now before I fall on my face. I really do feel bad for thinking these thoughts, but I can't help that I do. And I would never actually say this to anyone.

Puppy Love...or maybe not so much??

2011-10-25T10:57:00.000-07:00

This will probably be an ongoing topic of mine for at least a year... we just got a new puppy. Well, I don't actually know for sure how old he is, they told me at the pound that he is 2 years old, but I know for a fact that he is definitely no where near 2 years old. The dog is lucky if he is a year. They also told me that he was a chocolate lab, but I'm guessing he either has some boxer or pitbull mixed in. I can't tell because I don't know enough about either breed to make that distinction myself. Luckily, though, my neighbor volunteers for a boxer rescue and has had many boxers herself, so I'm going to stop by her house soon and see if she can help me determine what my mutt is.

So when we first got him, he was laid back and chill and I thought for sure that I had chosen the right dog for us. We already have a 5 year old Shepherd/Hound mix and she is really chillax (unless you get out her leash- then it's on!) Now I'm starting to second guess myself. At first our new dog was afraid to walk on the hardwood floors, so he stayed on his little dog bed or in the closet. He also, didn't chew anything, not even my nice shoes, and he didn't eat much either. Well, now that his pain meds from being neutered have worn off, the new dog has chewed the label off a mattress (not a huge deal) chewed up his bed (I sewed it) and tried to chew a hole in my $300 rug in the living room. On top of that he is peeing in the house on occasion and I can't tell if it is because he is being a jerk or if it is beause he is marking his territory (I somewhat expected this for the first week) or if it is my fault for not letting him out enough. Problem is, every time I put him out back, he barks and barks and barks. I don't care much about the barking but my fucking asshole neighbors do. Of course it is fine for their dog to go outside at the crack of dawn and howl like a goddamn banshee.

On top of all of this stuff, which really isn't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things, I can't tell if our old dog, Ruby actually likes the new dog or if she is trying to kill him. He is in love with her and just wants to follow her everywhere and he mimics her and tries to play with her and he is constantly licking her face for her and her paws (keeps her clean). She just doesn't like other dogs that much. I mean in the past she has never ever gotten aggressive with a dog, but she has growled at the new dog and shown her teeth. He doesn't seem to get the point though, when she bites him, he just gets up and goes after her again, so perhaps they are not actually hurting each other, but I freak out everytime I see it happen. Then they curl up on the couch and snore together. I am making sure that the new dog knows that the old dog is still the boss of the house. I know that dogs need to know their place in the hierarchy, but I'm still not sure if I'm doing the right things.

Don't get me wrong, I knew this would be work. And it is actually less work than getting a new little puppy (at least for the most part he is house broken), I'm not trying to complain, I'm just trying to share my story. I am only concerned that I'm doing something wrong that would make either dog not have a happy dog life.

True friends stab you in the front

2011-10-25T10:06:00.000-07:00

The title of my post needs to be attributed to Oscar Wilde, I couldn't come up with a title that was as fitting on my own.

So Sunday morning I get a call from an old friend. She had recently moved to Alabama from our home state of Delaware. We don't really keep in close touch anymore. Just a phone call every few months to see what is new and we sometimes post to each other on Facebook, but we don't have the same type of relationship that we used to. There are a lot of reasons for this, mostly it is because she changed as a person, and I guess I've become less tolerant of the types of changes that she has gone through. I've seemed to have lost my patience with people, in particular stupid people who can't think for themselves. Anyway, that isn't the point of my post today. So I've lived in North Carolina for 5 years now and every year we go up to Delaware at least once to visit, sometimes twice. This past year I was up there three times to visit. Every single time I ask my friends if they want to meet up and hang out. I typically don't have a ton of time up there, but I can squeeze in a day or night or few hours for my friends if they are willing to do the same for me. Each time I was up there this year I called my friend and asked her if we could meet up and every time her answer was "you need to come to my house, I don't want to go anywhere." Mind you I try to meet up with as many people at once so I don't have to drive all over the fucking state to see everyone. I made reservations at a nice restaurant for us to have some wine and cheese and talk and then the plan was to go dancing if anyone wanted to (core group of us always goes dancing when I'm up). Well, my so-called best friend, couldn't be bothered, she said she was already in her pj's (at 5pm) and she didn't want to get dressed and come out, and that I should come to her house (where her kids and dogs and husband and his friends were- no thanks).

Now all of that is well and good, I understand just not being in the mood to go out, but it is every single time I'm up there. I don't think she fully comprehends that I sit in a car for 7 hours to drive up there each time I come for a visit, and that the last thing I want to do is drive to her house then sit on my ass on her couch and play with her kids, all the while ignoring all of my other friends in Delaware (of which I have quite a few- all willing to go out of their way to see me).

So, back to this phone call I get Sunday morning from her- she doesn't have much to say, doesn't ask much about me. She wants to know when I'm coming to visit her in Alabama, and could I come in December. It's the fucking end of October, and she wants to know if I can come visit her in December. She doesn't think that maybe I can't afford it, or maybe I can't take off from work (both entirely true). She doesn't think that maybe I just don't fucking feel like coming to visit her and her family when they have been through North Carolina 10 times in the past year (in the process of moving to Alabama) and I have invited her to come visit me every single time I've spoken to her for five goddamn years and she has NEVER ONCE ATTEMPTED TO VISIT ME!!! Yet she has the fucking balls to try to guilt me into coming to visit her and see her "new house".

This really irritates me. Like I said we've been here for five years and I always invite my friends down to visit. Two of Jeremy's friends have come down to visit for long weekends, but none of my friends can be bothered. Granted, my friends typically have families and other obligations that Jeremy's bachelor friends just don't have, but I still think that if they truly wanted to, they could make a point to come see me. Is that really too much to ask? I would happily go visit my friend if she had once made an attempt to come visit me. I've been here lonely with no one for a very long time (of course I've since made friends here- but that was only recently and old friends are not the same as new ones). She has all of her in laws and friends who moved to Alabama with her. I had no one and I think that she is selfish to think that I'm just going to drop everything because she chose to make this change in her life and now everyone has to appease her.

I'm not going to visit her in December, or ever until she realizes that she's never once even thought about visiting me. I have my wedding to plan this year, our cruise that we are taking, I'm trying to buy a new car, and I'm trying to sell my current house and buy a new one myself. It's time that I think about myself for once and stop worrying what everyone else is going to think about me if I don't do what they want me to do. I can't keep putting my life on hold for everyone else. I did it this whole year due to my sister's wedding, and now that the whole fiasco is over with, I need to get back to my reality.

The Great Bathroom Remodel- After

2011-10-17T13:11:00.000-07:00

So the bathroom is complete! We actually finished this a few weeks ago, but I don't blog much anymore these days. That sucks on my part because I think of things throughout the day that I need to blog about, but I am just too lazy by the end of the evening to sit down and do it.

Anyway, here are the after pictures of our great bathroom remodel. In a nutshell, this is what we changed/replaced:
Light fixtures above the sink- Jeremy did the wiring, but I totally helped, but then my dumb ass put the covers on upside down on one side and they got stuck- Whatever!
Mirrors- Jeremy hung these but I measured
Faucets- Oh this was the most fun- I did these myself, I only needed Jeremy's help to get some bolt off that was too tight and to help me adjust the drain plug, because I can't be under the sink and above it at the same time.
Painting- I don't mind painting at first. I really love to do the first coat, then it becomes work! I hate doing trim and I'm not good at cutting in edges, but I did pretty well this time, I definitely took my time and did it right. Although I think it helps when you don't have someone standing over your shoulder saying "you did it wrong".
Floors- Jeremy laid the flooring down for me, but I had to do all of the prep work. This entails prying off all of the quarter round on the floor all around the room, then scraping with a tool all of the gluey caulk that some loser put down there all the while not ripping the linolium that is as old as the house is (about 12 years old). Then I had to wash the floors on my hands and knees, then when they dried, I had to go back over there with rubbing alcohol and a paper towel to remove any oil build up.
New toilet- so the thing is the old toilet leaked and never flushed right, Jer put in the new one but I helped with cleaning around the ring, and that was gross, but now I have a gorgeous toilet that doesn't leak and flushes like... well I don't know what to compare a toilet flushing to- but you know what I mean.
Shopping for the details- Well, of course I love shopping, and I love getting a good deal and my favorite store in the whole wide world is World Market. I got my shower curtain there and I had previously gotten my towels there. The picture came from Bed Bath and Beyond on clearance.

OK OK! so here are the pictures already:

The Great Bathroom Remodel Charlie Brown!

2011-08-12T18:31:00.000-07:00

Jeremy is going to kill me for telling everyone this, but he looks like Charlie Brown. I think that in the past people used to call him that. I don't really know how sensitve he is about it, but it tends to rub him the wrong way just a bit when I say it to him. It makes me giggle.

Anyway, I have been wanting to re-model my bathroom since we bought this house. There isn't really anything seriously wrong with it, so the only changes I want to make are cosmetic. I have been doing small pieces here and there since we moved in. It is much more cost effective to change little things throughout the year instead of trying to do it all at once. The reason we are trying to do this now, is because I would like to be able to put our house on the market this Spring. The issue is that Jeremy is slightly slow at doing things. So I have to push him into making the improvements that I know need to be made not only to just simply sell this house in an economy where the buyer essentially can choose from hundreds of houses, but also, things that will actually help us sell this house for more money than it would if we didn't make these improvements.

Experts say that the most profitable places to improve in a house is the kitchen and bathroom. The kitchen is our next project, but this weekend we tackle my bathroom. So on the to do list: replace light fixtures, replace faucets, and replace flooring (my god our floor is so ugly). The floor might not get completed this weekend, it depends on how much time we have after our other projects and errands. But hopefully next weekend we can finish anything that we didn't have time to get to.
These are the before pictures:

On the Market; Off the Market

2011-08-06T05:40:00.000-07:00

Once again we are debating whether or not we should sell our house and move closer to our jobs. We've gone back and forth on this decision a lot in the past 4 1/2 years that we've been in this house. Our house isn't horrible, it is just that we didn't look at many houses and didn't know enough about the area or even what we truly wanted when we purchased the house we are currently in. Now that we have more experience in taking care of a home and how stressful a one hour each way 5 day commute really is, we have decided that perhaps this isn't the home for us.

This is where it gets interesting. Having never sold a home before we have absolutely no idea what we are doing! We know what we want in our next home, but that is jumping the gun slightly. First we have to get our house in shape to put it on the market and then find a real estate agent to help us sell it. Personally, I think that real estate agents are practically useless. They make roughly 3.5% of your selling price and essentially all they do is take some pictures of your house (something I've already done) create an MLS listing (the only thing that I can't do) and then when people want to see the house they show it to them (also, something that I'm pretty sure I'd be able to do, considering it's my damn house!) While I know that I am able to try to sell my house myself, home buyers, especially in this day and age, almost refuse to look at FSBOs. It is like they are afraid of something or they feel that the real estate agent is going to protect them from something. It isn't true, but people are irrational (mind you it took everything in me to not say people are fucking morons). So I have resigned myself to finding a real estate agent to help us. I also figure that I'm going to be doing much of the work myself, because obviously I'm far more motivated than the real estate agent who will only be making like $6,000 on the sale of my home. I have no background in marketing at all, but as a consumer, I know what people are looking for and I'm going to use every means available to me to make them realize that my house is what they are looking for. I'm going to blast my listing all over the internet, anywhere that I think it will help, Facebook, Twitter, Blogs, etc. And I'm going to use word of mouth BIG TIME. Keeping the fact that your house is on the market a secret, isn't going to sell it. And because we live in such a secluded area, I'm going to have to work hard to get people to even come out to the boonies to look at our home.

What I would love would be for the agent to come into my home and tell me everything that I must change/fix in order to sell my house though. I have an extensive list of things that I think I need to do, but in truth might not really matter in the grand scheme of things. I have heard so many mixed opinions, but I am not sure who to trust. To me, it seems that buyers today simply have no imagination. They want to walk through a completely empty, move in ready home. That is just not feasible in our situation. We have to live here. People have a tough time seeing beyond what is currently there and I really just don't understand why. When we look at homes we ignore the cosmetics and focus on things like the layout and how our stuff could work in the house. I don't care what color paint is on the walls because I have painted so many walls, that I can just paint over a color that doesn't appeal to me. And I don't mind doing the work to make a new home personal.

Right now we are going to take it one room at a time and do the best we can on a budget. I think there are little things that we can do to help make our house market ready. Most importantly we can de-clutter and clean and spruce things up a bit. Last night I went to Lowes and purchased some things that I want to change in my bathroom which I feel will make it more appealing to people and hopefully sell our house faster and for more money. Don't worry, I'm not being greedy. I know what the market looks like and we are hoping to break even and at least sell our house for what we paid for it, maybe a smidgen more since we have done some nice upgrades already (whether people will appreciate the new water heater, deck, floors, countertops, appliances, etc is up for debate).

The hardest thing for us is going to be getting rid of a bunch of junk we seem to have collected. I'm the complete opposite of a pack rat. Jer tells me that I live like a rich person because I throw so much stuff away. But I cannot for the life of me figure out why people hold on to stuff that they don't need. Because of my minimalist lifestyle, my fiance and his family feels the need to over compensate and fill my house up with a bunch of shit that I didn't ask for, I don't need, and I would never want. Giving that back to people is going to be difficult and convincing my fiance that we don't actually need this crap that he is saving is another challenge. I'm beginning to think I'm going to be throwing stuff away while he isn't looking. Wish me luck on that one!

Its none of your fucking business!

2011-08-02T05:12:00.000-07:00

That is something that my boss said a couple of weeks ago while we were in a meeting together. His comment was directed at someone who made a snide remark about how many cookies he ate at lunch. My boss wasn't hoarding all of the cookies to himself, on the contrary, he was passing the tray around to everyone, and most people took one, he took more than one. Who cares. Apparently, some people do care about this sort of thing. I don't know why, I have some theories, but I really don't know. I've never really come out and asked anyone why they care so much about what other people are doing, in particular when it has no impact on their life whatsoever. I am really glad that my boss said that though, I think it is the most enlightening statement ever. The reason I say this is because I wish I had thought of it myself about a year ago.

I know my neighbors are bigots. I don't know why they are, I suppose it has something to do with the way their were raised, or their sense of entitlement. I don't like our neighbors, and I never have. But I have always been polite to them. I overlooked some of the off color comments they made and chalked it up to them being stupid. I have a fairly low tolerance for stupidity though, so one day I couldn't look beyond their judgment any longer. One day our neighbor posted on Facebook that he was in line at McDonald's and in front of him was an overweight woman who ordered a fruit and yogurt parfait, a side salad with ranch dressing a small fry and a diet coke. Now, having done Weight Watchers myself for numerous years, this would be a perfectly acceptable meal on that program, and in reality, it isn'a horrible meal. I would not eat it because I haven't had McDonald's food in over 13 years, but that is just me, I don't really care what anyone else does. But he goes on to rant and rave about how disgusting this woman was and how it is no wonder she is so overweight. BTW, my neighbor ordered some high fat burger meal and super sized it, but of course he is small and thin, so it's ok for him to order crap, but for anyone else, it is wrong. The disgustingly negative comments started pouring in. I was outraged. I couldn't believe that not only did my neighbor think this way, but that he had the balls to post it online for the whole world to see what a douche bag he was and his friends all agreed with him. One woman went so far as to say she probably goes home and eats a stick of butter for dinner. That is when I lost it. I told the guy and all of his small minded friends off. But it didn't occur to me at the time to tell him that it is none of his fucking business what she was eating.

This really hit home for me because it has happened to me before, almost exactly. When I was 19 years old I was really overweight due to a medication that I was perscribed, but I was doing something about it. I had gone to my doctor and changed medications and I joined a gym and started exercising and eating extremely healthy. One day my friend asked me to go to dinner with her and her cheap boyfriend. I thought we would go to a normal restaurant and sit down and have a real meal. No, cheap boyfriend wanted to go to Wendy's. I knew this was a bad decision all around, but I wanted to hang out with my friend. I went and got the salad bar and only had salad, no dressing (I can still eat a salad with no dressing). There were a bunch of kids younger than us, and they were loudly making fun of my weight. It hurt really badly. It made me cry. Then it enraged me to the point where on our way out the door I dumped my tray of food on their laps. It made me feel better for a short while, but I will never forget that day, and I will never forget how my neighbor thinks about overweight people.

The same neighbors have something against the nice Cuban family that moved in up the street from us. Now, I think this comes down to pure racism, but I will give them the benefit of the doubt and say that they are just jealous that these people could afford to buy the most expensive house in the neighborhood (and it is a gorgeous house!) Our neighbors tried to tell us at a party we attended once that the Cuban family paid $375,000 for their house. I knew this was not true, because we had only purchased our home a year before and our Realtor showed us the comps. They paid roughly $320,000 for the house, but again why is this anyone's business. We needed to know for legitimate reasons, but knowing what they paid for their house didn't have any bearing on how I felt about them as people. I didn't even know them! How could I make a judgment about someone I had never met?? And it really blew my mind how many people in our neighborhood hate this Cuban family, for no other reason than they could afford to buy a really nice house. What the fuck! Part of me really thinks that these bigot neighbors of mine really don't like them because they have nice tans. If ever given the opportunity again, now I know what to say to people like this: It's none of your fucking business.
This whole thing just pisses me off. I hate bigots and I hate closed minded people. But now at least I have something to say in response to someone's stupid comment. I really think before judging someone or a situation people should really think, is this having any sort of impact on my life at all. If not, then it is none of your fucking business.

Here Comes the Bridezilla!

2011-07-06T03:44:00.000-07:00

So I'm talking to my fiance last night about planning our wedding and it dawns on us that we aren't going to actually be able to have the wedding that we want. What I envisioned was something completely bohemian and out of the ordinary. I wanted to get married in Puerto Rico on the beach or in a botanical garden or in the rain forest there. I wanted it to be whimsical and left to chance. I didn't want to choose my flowers, but rather go to the local flower sellers on the street that morning and get what is in season and I didn't want to have a huge seated dinner, I wanted to just go to a restaurant and have everyone order whatever they wanted from the menu and we would pay at the end of the night. I wanted to spend the evening dancing to a steel drum band or learning to salsa on the dancefloor. I wanted to wake up the next day and have a farewell brunch to my guests and send them off so Jer and I could finish our honeymoon ALONE! But apparently everyone else had other ideas and that is why I'm about to turn Bridezilla on some bitches.

The first thing that is ruining my entire fantasy here is that Jer's family can't afford to go. His parents are on a fixed limited income and while they could save a bit to help pay their own way, they simply couldn't afford the whole shebang, which is fine, we were willing to pay for them to fly out there and stay for 3 nights (the traditional amount of time one would spend at a destination wedding). But there are a few issues with this just now coming up. Suddenly, Jer's father is afraid to fly. Ok, so take some fucking xanax and get on the goddamn plane. Also, his mother is now looking at this as a free vacation. She said well if you are paying why don't we stay for a whole week. Here is why you don't stay a whole week: 1) because we are paying- that is going to cost a small fortune to put you up in a hotel for a week, then who is going to buy all of your food and entertainment 2) that brings me to my next point, we will be expected to be their entertainment. ON OUR GODDAMN HONEYMOON. His parents will be up our asses. Doesn't that sound like every newlywed's dream? It is simply not appropriate, but the thing is his family has never been appropriate. Don't get me wrong, I love them dearly but as Jer even said you can take the people out of the trailer, but the trailer is on wheels.

Then his mother has some other money saving ideas, like renting a huge beach house and having "all of the women go in the kitchen and cook, and then we can hire a dj and dance in the house". Really, that sounds fun to you? This coming from someone who has a mini manic breakdown every Thanksgiving cooking for a family of about 8. Really, you want to take that burden on? I already had one hillbilly hoedown wedding complete with chaffing dishes and burners under them and a keg of beer with plastic cups. I don't want that. I don't want the stress of it and I don't want to have to work on my wedding day. Jer and I want to be catered to. But we would end up doing all of the work if this were the route we took. Jer would be outside building an archway and his mother would be trying to glue fake flowers to it and cook potato salad in the kitchen at the same time. This is not what either of us envisioned. It's fucking tacky.

Then there is Jer's siblings. His sister is a handful and I'm not even sure she would be allowed to leave the state (she might be in jail by then for all we know, it depends on her upcoming court hearings). So not only would we have to pay for his parents, we'd have to pay for her too. Then his one brother pointed out how much of a burden it would be on the rest of the family. Right, so why burden anyone else with responsibility? People just want to show up to a wedding someone else is paying for, party all night, eat a free meal, drink at an open bar, trash the place and then leave. Great, so who is being selfish now? What do we get out of that? We aren't getting married for everyone else's benefit. That is the problem. We don't want or need to impress anyone else.

Then there is my family. Their drama isn't as bad, but really it takes the wind right out of our sails. We've been together for 10 years and I have had my idea for a wedding all planned out for at least 5 years. Then suddenly my sister gets engaged and plans her wedding at the beach with the ocean as the backdrop just as I envisioned for my wedding and with the tropical flowers, etc. Except she took something that I planned and turned it into some rigid, contrived parade. My sister is so uptight she could eat coal and shit out diamonds. Seriously, she is an accountant, need I say more? I love my sister but because she stole my idea to have a wedding at the beach, I really can't exactly go and do that now can I? So pretty much anything I do now, will not only be compared to hers, but people will think that we do everything alike, and that couldn't be farther from the truth.

So I have come to the conclusion that we will just go get married at the justice of the peace and whoever wants to come is invited to come. Then we can go out to dinner here in our home state and then Jer and I will go to Puerto Rico and enjoy each other there. ALONE. We can even have a little ceremony on the beach there and take pictures. Just the two of us. The way it should be.

You're No Princess- So Stop Waiting for Prince Charming

2011-07-05T10:56:00.000-07:00

Seriously, ladies, what the fuck! What the fuck are you waiting for and what the fuck makes you think that you are so damn special that you can't compromise when it comes to relationships? Until I moved to the South I had never experienced this Princess Phenomena. I'm not entirely sure how to explain it, but in the South there are some women who believe that they can't "settle" or compromise. They have certain criteria for a mate that they just absolutely refuse to budge on. The problem is that these women have so many personal issues and baggage themselves that I can't figure out why they believe that men are supposed to be perfect, but they can be just so-so. Does it not occur to them that there are men out there with certain criteria as well? Maybe your prince charming doesn't want someone with bucked teeth, who is overweight did you think of that? Maybe he wants someone who can pay her own bills and doesn't constantly whine about every little thing that isn't going perfectly in her life? I just think that these girls need to wake up and realize that they aren't perfect and sitting around waiting for the perfect man to show up and sweep them off their feet is going to leave them alone and wishing they could take it all back.

I just don't get it. I'm far from a supermodel yet I have never had trouble finding a man to date. Right now I'm engaged to a wonderful man who I am madly in love with and he feels the same for me, yet I have friends who are gorgeous and witty and fun, and they can't even find a guy to grab a burger with. I know a girl who thinks that because a man tried to give her a kiss good night that he was trying to get her into bed (newsflash- when you go up to a guy's apartment and take your shoes off and curl up on the couch on the first date, you kinda give that vibe anyway). How can you date someone if you are afraid to even kiss him? Then I have another friend whose list is so long and ridiculous that I don't even think that this person exists in the real world, yet she has made him up in her mind and she honestly believes he is out there somewhere. She doesn't even meet half of the criteria on her list, how can she expect someone else to?

My point here is that if you don't compromise on the little things, you will never find what you are looking for. And seriously, if you are really that inflexible, you need some therapy. I mean I loathe the way my fiance dresses, he looks like a 12 year old little boy in his tee-shirts with silly sayings on them and his cargo shorts that are 2 sizes too big and his big funny sneakers. But you know what, who cares? Really in the grand scheme of things, I don't really care that much about how he dresses. And when it is important he will dress up in what I ask him to (he'll bitch about it, but he will do it). The important things are that he makes me laugh, he is responsible and a hard worker and he is loving and caring and intelligent. These are the things that matter to me! If I were still so hung up on his outfit, I would have never gotten to know him better and I would have never discovered who he really is.

The truth of the matter is Ryan Reynolds is not interested in someone like you because you don't meet his criteria. And as shitty as that might make you feel to hear the truth, that is how all of those men out there feel when you shoot them down for a date or a coffee or whatever because they aren't Mr. Perfect.

Sometimes you have to kiss some frogs before you find your prince. Sometimes you just have to start looking in the reality mirror and not the Disney mirror that deludes you into believing you are perfect and therefore only deserve perfection.

DINKS! - Yup that's me and I'm HAPPY GODDAMNIT

2011-07-02T05:48:00.000-07:00

I don't know why everyone believes that the only way to be happy is to get married and have a bunch of kids and live in a house in the suburbs. That is really not very appealing to me at all. While I wouldn't necessarily mind being married (I am engaged), the whole storybook life bullshit isn't who I am. It's a good thing my fiance feels the same way. The truth is, we simply do not want to have children. GASP! I know, take a minute to catch your breath.

I have never had the desire to have children, and I don't really like them all that much. Sure they are cute (some of them- others are fucking ugly) and there are aspects of having a child that I imagine are rewarding, but it is just not for me. I am a selfish person. I like having all of my own money (and most of my fiance's money too) and I like having my house toy free (albeit a little furry). I like having my time to myself to read, blog, drink some wine, go on vacation. I have no desire to live on anyone else's schedule. It is bad enough I have to live on the schedule of my company and work 8am to 5pm 5 days a week. Why on earth would I choose to spend any or all of my free time driving around a child who doesn't appreciate anything I do, spending time at stupid soccer games or ballet practice or PTA meetings. The whole thought of this is making me twitch.

I firmly believe that this stems from my shitty childhood. My parents did not want children, and to this day they talk about how much they had them because that is what they thought they were supposed to do and how fabulous their lives would have been without my sister and I. The thing about my parents is my mom's elevator doesn't go all the way to the top. She is an extremely selfish person who really did not know how to be a mother. My father is an abusive alcoholic, who in my opinion should have been sterilized and possibly institutionalized. But I'm not here to blame my whole life on my childhood. On the contrary, because I didn't get to have a childhood, I want to make the most out of my adulthood. Meaning, I want this life to be mine, not anyone else's. I make my decisions that affect me and my loved ones and it doesn't include on having to decide if junior should go to camp this year or if I should go get a pedicure. I had to parent my parents. I'm done. And they haven't even grown up, so I'm still parenting them. Having to tell your 56 year old mother that she can't drink and drive (no matter how many times she disobeys me and does it anyway) gets old.

I also don't deal with stress very well. I admit it.Without going into a bunch of details, I'm just not stable and I know this. Sure if you are looking at me from the outside it seems like I am together, and I try really hard, but my mind isn't all together. I am the only one who can judge this. Others don't know what I think and how I think. I come from a long long long line of mental illness. Not only would I not wish to pass that on genetically to a child to have to live through the hell of, but when you have a fucked up parent, your childhood just sucks. Trust me. I know.

But mostly, and I am dead fucking serious about this, it all comes down to money. I don't care what anyone says I'm not stupid and I have seen this with my own eyes KIDS ARE FUCKING EXPENSIVE. The reason my fiance and I have money is because we don't have any kids. End of discussion. We aren't really frugal, and we don't exactly save very much, but we don't have kids to pay for crap for. Our money is ours to spend how we like. And people will say that all children need is love and they don't need money, but those people either have a lot of money to piss away or they are getting handouts somewhere. We are the ones giving the handouts so I know this to be true. I'm constantly buying junk for my friends kids or my friends because they are perpetually broke. If they didn't have kids, they'd have more money. We are DINKS - Double income no kids. That is why we can afford to go on vacation, I can afford to go on shopping sprees, I can afford a new car when/if I want one. I can afford a nice big house and I can basically do whatever the fuck I want when I want.

But, I digress, the point of this post is that I'm so sick and fucking tired of everyone asking me when I'm going to have kids. And I don't mean my in laws who just want a grandbaby, I mean everyone! Especially my so called friends (users) who say I would make such a wonderful mother. I'm so loving and nurturing and generous. Well, I can be because I don't have kids. So when your baby comes around I have the patience at the time to care for it, and sure I know how to take care of a child, but I don't want to. I'm a good loving person, but I just don't want to have any kids. SO STOP FUCKING ASKING ME. And stop trying to guilt me into it. It's not going to work. I don't want to be miserable like everyone else that I know who has kids. And whether they admit it or not a lot of them are jealous and misery loves company.

The truth is I love my life exactly how it is. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. So please people just leave us DINKs alone. Go pay attention to your own children and let us have our lives. Stop telling us how selfish we are. How is it that you are doing the world a favor by procreating anyway? How are we the ones being selfish? And who gives a fuck if we are selfish? Do we not have a right to be?

I'm Back!

2011-07-02T04:56:00.000-07:00

So, here's the thing: I had a blog before, but I put entirely too much emphasis on the wrong things and eventually I hated what I had created. It was bittersweet to give it up because I am EXTREMELY opinionated, and don't have very many outlets for my frustrations, but at the same time I felt like I had to be "proper" and "perfect" on my blog. I was trying too hard not to hurt anyone's feelings, and to be politically correct and to be "openminded" and accepting of others. Also, a lot of people just don't get me or where I'm coming from so they couldn't exactly relate and I was trying too hard to be someone others could relate to. So, I deleted my previous blog because I couldn't devote the time I wanted to it and make it perfect and gather a bunch of followers and blah blah blah, whatever bloggers do. Well, FUCK THAT! Seriously, this is my blog and I don't care who reads it, I don't care who likes it. I need this place to vent to keep me from choking motherfuckers who piss me off on an hourly basis.

In reality, I'm a really sweet, generous person (to your face) but I can't stand stupidity and for some reason these days it is running rampant and it is driving me crazy. But because I am who I am, I will never call someone on their own idiocracy. Nope, I just get frustrated and bitch about it to my fiance or my sister. I mean really if I told people what I actually think of them, I wouldn't have any friends. That doesn't mean I'm a bad friend either, that means that I'm having trouble in my current situation finding people who are more like myself and share my cynicism and humor who have their shit together and can get over themselves enough to actually be a good friend to me. The thing is I have always been this way and while I am open to learning new points of view, I don't think my core values are going to change much. So I have grown to accept that people won't agree with my thought process, but I am still entitled to think the things that I think.

So there is something that I have always warned people about, is if you are part of my life one day I'm going to write a book (ok, so a blog will have to do for now) and it is likely that I will write about you. Good, bad and ugly.