"Everybody knows That the world is full of stupid people..."

I always try my hardest not to be a judgmental bitch, but today I just can't help myself. I don't know if it is a full moon, or if it is just me being who I am, but I am so extremely frustrated with stupid people. I honestly want to scream at the top of my lungs: "HEY MOTHERFUCKERS, STOP BEING SO GODDAMN STUPID!!!"

The reason I try not to speak out on this topic or call people out on their stupidity is because then it makes me look like the bad guy. Then people think that I'm just negative or a bitch. Both of those might be true, but they are only 2 attributes among numerous that I possess. And I really would prefer to be considered a bitch than a fucking moron.

So here are some of the most common examples of idiocracy that I have recently had to deal with:

1). Friend asks: "Should I buy this really obscenely expensive washer and dryer because it looks really cool and commercials are making it look like it can do my laundry, and my taxes and feed my dog, or should I be more economical and buy a regular washer and dryer like a normal person"?

The most common response people gave for this question is: "why of course you should spend thousands of dollars on an Electrolux front load washer and dryer because it is shiny and new and pretty and has all of these buttons that I don't know what the fuck they do (because mixing a computer with a washing machine is a genius move considering most Americans don't know how to operate either independently). Never mind the fact that front load washers have notoriously had issues with breaking within a year or two and they have that whole mildew smell because the water can never fully be released from the inside of it (who cares about that smell, just buy that Tide stuff they invented to mask the smell and wash your washing machine--- gee, marketing at its best)." 

2). Friend says on a daily basis: “I’m so poor, I can’t afford anything. I can’t afford to buy medicine for my children or food or pay my bills. I always have to skip paying bills sometimes and I have ruined my credit because I bought a house and car and a bunch of other shiny things that I couldn’t afford to keep up with the Joneses so that I can coax my ego because I’m lacking in some other way.”

 Then after Christmas same friend says: “With my $4,000 Christmas bonus, I bought 3 of my kids a DS3 and a ton of games, I got my son an Xbox 360 Kinnect with a bunch of games and I bought my daughter $200 ugly boots. Now I’m really broke and can’t pay my bills again.” Yet they are appalled when I state that I saved most of my bonus check, minus giving some money to charity and buying a few small gifts for close friends and family. “What do you mean; you still have $3,500 left," is what they say. This makes me want to slap them senseless. Problem is; they are already senseless.

3). Co-worker says on a daily basis: “My husband is a millionaire and I don’t have to work and I can afford to live in a mansion and we have a BMW and we’re getting another one and we own two houses because we had to buy my daughter a house because she is one of the above mentioned fucking idiots who has shitty credit and can save any money to buy her own goddamn house. Now I need knee surgery to fix my fucked up knee, but I’m going to skip that and just trade in my brand spanking new 350Z convertible that I only bought because I have an extremely low self esteem for a Lexus SUV.”

One week later: “well it seems that I’m not getting a Lexus SUV because they don’t have the color I like so now I’m going to look at Kia and Hunyadi instead.”

My thought: “REALLY?! You mean it has nothing to do with the fact that your husband really isn’t a millionaire and you really can’t afford to buy a $40,000 car?” Furthermore- even if one can afford to buy a $40,000 car- first why would you buy a Lexus? Second, why do you need it? Just because you can afford something, doesn’t mean you have to buy it. Oh wait, that makes me a communist. Shit. When they need bailing out in the next few years though, they’re going to be looking at us commies to share our wealth that we had the goddamn fucking sense to save. At which point I’m going to Africa and I’m giving all of my money, every last red cent to some tribe, before I “bail out” some asshole American who doesn’t deserve it.

4).  Stupid woman goes into a Target knowing damn right well that she was lactating and that her child would soon be hungry (it isn’t fucking rocket science- babies eat on a schedule and you know when they will want to eat again). Instead of being a civilized human being and going somewhere appropriate to breast feed her child, she decides to just plop down in the middle of the dirty disgusting floor in the women’s section in Target and whip out her tit and breast feed the little monster. Then she gets pissed because people give her dirty looks, then she calls the media and gets a bunch of other lazy bitches who don’t want to work and just know how to pop out babies to “protest” with her by breastfeeding in Target stores all across the country.

My first response is: who gives a fuck about breasts. They are part of the human body just like arms and legs. This is the most ridiculous thing Americans worry about. They over sexualize EVERYTHING, and then act like it is taboo. What the fuck! This isn’t an issue in Europe. They aren’t afraid of gay people in Europe either, because they don’t have the sexual hang ups that stupid Americans have.

My second response is: stuff like this does not ever happen in Saks 5^th Avenue or Neiman Marcus. Shit, it wouldn’t even happen in a Nordstrom’s for that matter and they aren’t even an upscale department store. But the people who shop in these establishments not only have some tact and decorum but they have something that these “Target moms” seem to lack, which is self respect. Now I don’t personally have a problem with seeing someone breastfeed, just like I don’t have a problem with any other body parts being used appropriately in public. Who gives a fuck?! What I have a problem with; however, is someone having no care for other patrons and sitting in the middle of the floor. What is she, 5 years old? Must be, since when asked if she would be more comfortable in a dressing room (where there are CHAIRS- you know like normal civilized people sit on) she threw a fucking temper tantrum and called in the media and made a huge issue over something that is not even an issue. No one ever asked her to not breast feed in public, they simply asked her to get the fuck up off the damn floor and not only have common courtesy for anyone else shopping in the store to be able to walk down the aisle, but also to stop making a fool out of herself which is what she was doing. If I had been in the Target while this was going on, I would have “accidentally” tripped over her, her stupid kid and her dumb boobs. Then I would have sued her for being a dumb cunt.

5). Crazy bitch on a pitbull website (which is constantly preaching to everyone to educate others about how wonderful pitbulls are) is telling people that they should never ever ever in a million years ever feed their dog people food. She claims that if dogs ever eat people food it will kill them and that it is “better to be safe than sorry when it comes to furbabies”.

My response: First of all, people can’t even be bothered to feed themselves properly, so I don’t think they are smart enough to figure out how to feed their pets properly. Second of all, dogs shouldn’t be eating store bought dog food because it is filled with fillers that are not good for dogs and dogs can’t even process half of the bullshit found in common pet foods. Third of all, most pitbull owners actually feed their dogs a raw food diet consisting of mostly raw meat and raw eggs, and raw veggies, etc. I know many people who make stew for their dogs and their dogs have lived for nearly 19 years. I also know many people (mostly in the south) that have never fed their dogs dog food, but rather have always given the dog scraps. That is what dogs ate back in the day when people couldn’t afford dog food but needed dogs on their farms to work.

6). Christians and their ridiculous beliefs- in particular that Tim Tebow is somehow an important being since he is a Christian and a football player that is less than average at his sport. They are no longer worshipping god, but rather they are worshipping Tim Tebow. And now these holy rollers are ripping Bill Maher apart because he states the obvious, that hey Tim Tebow might just be a regular person, who can actually have a bad night and throw some interceptions and maybe, just fucking maybe god is not sitting up in heaven watching and controlling fucking football games.

Look, I could never say it as well as Bill Maher, but I have to say it: Christians are the most ridiculous fucked up crazies on the face of this earth. I went to a Christian school so I know this first hand. They are out of their minds and I try to stay as far away from them as I possibly can. I also think that they are extremely, extremely stupid. Like Bill Maher says: "Why is the purposeful suspension of critical thinking a good thing?"
I’m not the only one who believes this so I will actually back up this rant with a few of my favorite quotes:

“Faith is believing in things when common sense tells you not to”~ George Seaton

"The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshiped anything but himself." ~Sir Richard Francis Burton

“When we blindly adopt a religion, a political system, a literary dogma, we become automatons. We cease to grow." ~ Anais Nin

 But of course I could never ever say any of what I’m thinking or feeling to anyone on any of these topics. Since no one actually reads my blog, I figure I’m safe venting here, and it will keep my friendships intact.

Oh honey, there's no difference between a 4 cylinder engine and a 6 cylinder

That is seriously what a car salesman said to me recently. Anyone who knows me, knows that it took every single bit of constraint that I have in my body to not kick him in the balls and run him over in said vehicle. Now, I am the first to admit that I don't know much about cars, but I do know that there is a difference between a 4 cylinder engine and a 6 cylinder engine. I know this because I've driven both and with my lead foot, I know, and my fiance agrees, that I NEED a 6 cylinder engine. It all comes down to the way I drive. I'm not trying to impress anyone or race people at red lights, etc. I'm not going to modify my vehicle to some sort of rice rocket. I need a strong engine because I like to jam on the gas, and the car needs to go when I do that. Otherwise I'm going to tear up the transmission (I don't actually know how a transmission works, but my fiance tells me this). And trust me, until you have driven in some ridiculous North Carolina bumpkin traffic you couldn't possibly begin to understand the need to be able to punch the engine and get the fuck around some goddamn moron who is reading his Bible going 10 mph under the speed limit in the left lane. Trust me, I'd drive on the Santa Monica Freeway or on 95 in Washington DC any day before I would choose to drive in this mess down here. That is why I almost always take the back roads to work.

Anyway, I had done quite a bit of research on vehicles and I had it narrowed down to a very few cars that would work for my needs and within my price range. Or at least what I thought was my price range at the time, but I explain that later. So I really liked the Subaru Outback. I have liked it for about 2 years now since I saw a 2010 at Lowes one day and I had to ask the woman driving it all about it. My fiance loves Subaru and had a WRX wagon that he modified to do all sorts of things that he wanted it to do (hated to ride in that car). I knew that he would not object to me choosing a Subaru. They are really good cars and actually they are worth the money because they have higher resale value (if you can find anyone willing to sell one- most people keep them FOREVER). So I looked up all of the information I could on Subaru Outbacks on the internet. I joined forums and talked to other owners of the vehicle. Then I made my first mistake, which should not be a mistake at all. I went to a car dealership alone, ie without a man. That is when the salesman, whom I didn't want to talk to in the first place made the above comments. What he obviously didn't know is that I knew that the 4 cylinder Outback had a CVT transmission. I can't describe what a CVT transmission is, all I can tell you is that when I drove it, I HATED it. It felt like it had some sort of lag. It sounds like it spools up like a Turbo engine, but that is not what is happening. In any event, it felt slow like I was dragging something and I couldn't just punch the pedal and make it go. I have already made it perfectly clear that I need to be able to jump out in traffic and get up to speed quickly. My fiance didn't like this type of transmission either because he felt that it was going to "have problems" in the next few years because the technology hasn't exactly caught up to what car manufacturers are trying to accomplish. He said the only car that does it properly is the Audi. My fiance knows everything that there is to know about cars, so I trust him.

So, we went all over the Triangle to find a 3.6 Outback. Finally, I did find one that I liked, but the dealership was not willing to negotiate price. Mind you this car was Ruby Red (people who buy Subarus- in particular Outbacks- are granola heads who only like the colors green and khaki) and had been on the lot for over a month and this was the beginning of December. If I were a salesman, I'd be trying to push this car off the lot in order to make a good commission before the holiday. But alas, the dumb kid lived at home with his parents and likely had no motivation to sell any vehicle for less than sticker. Me on the other hand, I have bills to pay and I can't justify paying sticker price for a vehicle, nor can I justify paying $29,000 for something that is not a "luxury" vehicle. And I wasn't in the market for a luxury vehicle right now, that just isn't my lifestyle at this point.

Price also knocked out my second choice which was a Volvo XC60. And no I was not interested in the car because of the Twilight movie, like the salesman at this dealership insinuated. He's lucky I didn't fucking bite him for saying that. Why do these men think that women are that stupid? Oh wait, most women are that stupid. I digress. This car was luxurious. It had so many bells and whistles that I was afraid I wouldn't even know how half of the car worked. I also feared that with so many extra "safety" features that they were more likely to break and then I'd either have to pay a lot for them to be fixed or in the long run they would cause other problems with the car, likely electrical problems since everything in this car is electric. I do understand and embrace technology, but part of me believes if something isn't broke, don't fix it for the sake of just making something seem new or cool. I don't need an electric parking break. I want a real parking break.

All of this lead me to feel defeated and ready to just give up on the entire car buying process. I couldn't find anything that satisfied my desire for a decent car with a 6 cylinder engine that didn't cost a whole arm and a whole leg. BTW, that Volvo was a 2010, and it was not in good shape inside (holes in seats, etc) and the were asking some ridiculous amount like $32,000. I literally laughed in the guy's face and left. Let rich vampires buy those cars. I'm smarter than that. It isn't that I can't afford these prices, it is just that I don't feel like cars should cost this much and I have other things that I want to spend my money on like expensive make up and conditioner. (I know I'm so shallow--- suck it).

At a last ditch effort I searched one last time for a vehicle on Cars.com. I didn't discriminate on make/model, I just wanted to see what was out there. This brings me to my next point: where do car manufacturers in this economy, after just having been bailed out get off pricing cars so high? I mean do they do that and then offer rebates for 10's of thousands of dollars off to make people feel good? I don't get it. I can't understand why anyone in their right mind would pay $33,000 for a Ford Edge. Are you fucking crazy. Shit, if I had that I'd go back and buy the goddamn Volvo, even with it's deficiencies. A FORD, really???!!! I mean even the Ford Exploder--- I mean Explorer is priced at around $23,000. Are they sniffing glue over there at Ford? This vehicle should cost about $13,000, maybe $15k if it is fully loaded or something. But there is no reason that any Ford (with the exception of like their huge trucks) should cost more than $20,000. Fuck, I could get a Mustang for less than an edge--- that is dumb. I've owned 2 Fords in my life and honestly, I would never again buy an American car. I'm not going to debate this with people, it is a proven fact that American cars are inferior. FACT! You can't dispute it by saying that any car can break down or have issues and if you take care of any car it will be good. Certain cars have design flaws and will break down or have something go wrong more than others. And I'm not being a snob, because I wouldn't buy a BMW or a Mercedes either, or a Volkswagon for that matter. They are all cheap knockoffs of real "luxury" cars. And people who drive them are dickheads. They think they are better than everyone else because they were stupid enough to spend ridiculous amounts of money on a vehicle- something that fucking depreciates. Why do they do this? Either they have a low self esteem and need to impress people or they have small a small penis and need to impress people. Either way, I'm not impressed.

So what car did I end up getting, you must be wondering. Let me preface this with this quick story: the first car I ever bought and made payments on was a Honda Civic. It was a 95- aqua. I bought it in 2000. I was scared to death because I'm slightly commitment phobic (could explain why my love and I have been together for 11 years and are not married, but I digress). My payments were like $189/mo. HAHAHA! Nice, huh? Anyway, I loved that car. I was good to that car and it was good to me. I never ever ever had any problems with that car until some dumb ugly fucking bitch in a giant GMC fucking SUV decided to be a whore and smash into my car because she couldn't wait her turn in traffic. Once that happened my car was not the same. Mechanically it was still perfect, but it ended up leaking water into the trunk and then eventually into the back seat. I tried to get it fixed a few times since insurance was paying for it, but it just couldn't be fixed properly. It is hard to explain how bummed I was when I realized that I had to trade it in for something else. That being said, Honda is not the same company that they used to be. And a lot of their cars that were built in the early 2000's had many issues that made me not trust the brand for a while. Even my fiance was suggesting the new Honda CRV to me and while I would have considered it if I had not found my car, I did hesitate. But alas, just searching through cars on cars.com my baby appeared. Actually, there wasn't even a picture of it, just a price and the specs. I was in love with and it and I had to go drive it so I called the dealership immediately and set up an appointment. Then I did all the research I could on this vehicle to make sure I offered them the best deal. See I'm not trying to make a sales person not make any money. Of course they need to make something, but they don't need to rape people's bank accounts to make money. And this salesman was nothing but professional. He didn't treat me like a dumb woman, he didn't patronize me or act like I didn't know what I was talking about. Actually, he didn't know as much about the vehicle as I did (I bought it from a Mercedes dealership- go figure). We didn't have to haggle much about pricing because he knew that I wanted the car and I had my high amount and he had his amount and either we would come to an agreement or I would walk out. We came to an agreement that we were both happy with quickly. Everything else was a breeze.

So... Here is my new car (well, it is a 2010):

It is an Acura RDX. Now I thought this vehicle was completely out of my price range when I first looked, but come to find out this one was right within my price range (I paid $24,700- people should not be afraid to tell others what they pay for their vehicles, it is the only way that consumers will ever be able to comparatively shop and get a fair deal- otherwise the dealership has all of the negotiating power and how is that fair?)

This really is the perfect car for me. It has everything that I wanted and then some things that I didn't even consider. It is a 4 cylinder but with a Turbo, which is exactly what I need to dart out into traffic. Anyway, I've had my car for about 3 weeks and I am absolutely in love with it. It is the best decision I have made when purchasing a vehicle since my first little Honda.

Bah Fucking Humbug!!!

So, I'm not typically a Grinch type. As a matter of fact I love giving gifts to others and I really don't care about receiving any gifts. Mostly because I know my friends are poor and can't get me anything, but it is the thought that counts and they always give the most thoughtful gifts. Plus, to me their friendship is a gift. No, I'm not typically this sappy either- here comes the bitchfest:

I know that my fiance and I make decent money. We don't have any children and we have enough "stuff" in our lives. The one thing I look forward to every single holiday season is buying gifts for our needy families that my company adopts each year. Buying stuff for these people, especially when I get them something extra that they didn't even ask for and aren't expecting absolutely makes my holiday. The only thing that would make it better would be to watch them open the gifts, but I don't deliver them. This year there are so many things just pissing me off about the whole thing that I have to vent about it.

First off, I work with a lot of extremely wealthy people. I know this because I know how much they make per hour (that is part of my job- I'm not just being nosey). I work with people who make $300,000/year and some of them more than that, plus not to mention what their spouses make. Not the point. How much money people have is absolutely none of my business. But what I'm pissed about is that these people are the first people to bitch and complain that they didn't get enough of a bonus (mind you their bonus is like $30k a year) and they absolutely refuse to donate to our adopt a family. Granted, I don't know what other charities their money could possibly be going to, but after talking to some of these people, I highly doubt they are very charitable at all. Regardless, the list of people every year who contribute to this event are the people who make the least amount of money. Me being one of them. At my work, I'm one of the lowest on the pay scale, but I purchased the most for these families. I am not looking for a pat on the back; I didn't do it for me, I did it because these people are in need. But I just don't understand why the rich people couldn't kick in at least $50. I mean I spent $200 of my own money and it was easy for me. These people could probably throw $50 in the trash and not even realize it!

The other thing that upsets me is there is someone who is organizing this donation drive and has for a few years and I'm not entirely sure what her deal is, but she is taking the monetary donations and spending them entirely inappropriately. I don't think these people get it. Maybe they've never had to save money or know what it is like to go without things in life. So this lady took $50 and spent it on 1 bathrobe at Macy's. Anyone who has ever set foot in Macy's knows that they are EXPENSIVE. Now, I'm not saying they don't have good quality, nice things, because they do, but they are really pricey. And if you are buying something to give to a charity, shouldn't you try to stretch that dollar and get as much as you can for your money? The woman she was buying for also asked for nightgowns, but this person said "I couldn't get her any because the robe was $50". Are you out of your mind?! Walmart has bathrobes for $15.99 Hell my own bathrobe was only $20 for crying outloud. And sure I guess this person deserves a nice robe, but I bet she would have appreciated having both a robe and a few nightgowns like she asked for. But the person doing the shopping told me she has never shopped anywhere but department stores. She had never been in a Ross or TJ Maxx. Ugghhh! Problems rich people I have I guess.

On top of all of that I'm looking at the list of the families that we were given. We don't choose them, we contact the Department of Health and Human Services and they have lists of families in need and what they want for Christmas. This is going to sound really terrible, but I'm going to hell anyway so I might as well just say it: There is a woman asking for help who has 5 fucking children. 2 of her children are old enough to actually be working themselves. One is 18 and one is 17. One of her children is a 9 month old baby. I feel bad for saying this and thinking this, but I just can't help it, logic prevails--- If you are that poor, keep your goddamn fucking legs closed. I mean she was already a single mother to 4 kids and she thinks that having another one is a great idea? In this economy, already knowing that she can't support the ones she has. Don't get me wrong, I'm not taking this out on the kids, I bought them a TON of gifts. Nice gifts too. I actually didn't take it out on the mother either, I bought her some nice things too. She only asked for cleaning supplies, but I got her some other little things for her to enjoy. I mean like I said, it isn't my place to dictate how many kids one can have or any of that, it just annoyed me to see that I spent so much money on one family and the other family where the lady only had 3 kids I ended up spending less in the long run because she has fewer children. But I guess that is my fault because if I had thought about it before hand I could have compensated for that. Also, I don't know either of their situations. For all I know their husbands just recently died or something. I mean I would never want to be in their shoes, and I have all the sympathy in the world for them which is why I do this every year, but part of me wants to donate my birth control pills to the woman.

Ok I'll get off my high horse now before I fall on my face. I really do feel bad for thinking these thoughts, but I can't help that I do. And I would never actually say this to anyone.