I don't know why everyone believes that the only way to be happy is to get married and have a bunch of kids and live in a house in the suburbs. That is really not very appealing to me at all. While I wouldn't necessarily mind being married (I am engaged), the whole storybook life bullshit isn't who I am. It's a good thing my fiance feels the same way. The truth is, we simply do not want to have children. GASP! I know, take a minute to catch your breath.
I have never had the desire to have children, and I don't really like them all that much. Sure they are cute (some of them- others are fucking ugly) and there are aspects of having a child that I imagine are rewarding, but it is just not for me. I am a selfish person. I like having all of my own money (and most of my fiance's money too) and I like having my house toy free (albeit a little furry). I like having my time to myself to read, blog, drink some wine, go on vacation. I have no desire to live on anyone else's schedule. It is bad enough I have to live on the schedule of my company and work 8am to 5pm 5 days a week. Why on earth would I choose to spend any or all of my free time driving around a child who doesn't appreciate anything I do, spending time at stupid soccer games or ballet practice or PTA meetings. The whole thought of this is making me twitch.
I firmly believe that this stems from my shitty childhood. My parents did not want children, and to this day they talk about how much they had them because that is what they thought they were supposed to do and how fabulous their lives would have been without my sister and I. The thing about my parents is my mom's elevator doesn't go all the way to the top. She is an extremely selfish person who really did not know how to be a mother. My father is an abusive alcoholic, who in my opinion should have been sterilized and possibly institutionalized. But I'm not here to blame my whole life on my childhood. On the contrary, because I didn't get to have a childhood, I want to make the most out of my adulthood. Meaning, I want this life to be mine, not anyone else's. I make my decisions that affect me and my loved ones and it doesn't include on having to decide if junior should go to camp this year or if I should go get a pedicure. I had to parent my parents. I'm done. And they haven't even grown up, so I'm still parenting them. Having to tell your 56 year old mother that she can't drink and drive (no matter how many times she disobeys me and does it anyway) gets old.
I also don't deal with stress very well. I admit it.Without going into a bunch of details, I'm just not stable and I know this. Sure if you are looking at me from the outside it seems like I am together, and I try really hard, but my mind isn't all together. I am the only one who can judge this. Others don't know what I think and how I think. I come from a long long long line of mental illness. Not only would I not wish to pass that on genetically to a child to have to live through the hell of, but when you have a fucked up parent, your childhood just sucks. Trust me. I know.
But mostly, and I am dead fucking serious about this, it all comes down to money. I don't care what anyone says I'm not stupid and I have seen this with my own eyes KIDS ARE FUCKING EXPENSIVE. The reason my fiance and I have money is because we don't have any kids. End of discussion. We aren't really frugal, and we don't exactly save very much, but we don't have kids to pay for crap for. Our money is ours to spend how we like. And people will say that all children need is love and they don't need money, but those people either have a lot of money to piss away or they are getting handouts somewhere. We are the ones giving the handouts so I know this to be true. I'm constantly buying junk for my friends kids or my friends because they are perpetually broke. If they didn't have kids, they'd have more money. We are DINKS - Double income no kids. That is why we can afford to go on vacation, I can afford to go on shopping sprees, I can afford a new car when/if I want one. I can afford a nice big house and I can basically do whatever the fuck I want when I want.
But, I digress, the point of this post is that I'm so sick and fucking tired of everyone asking me when I'm going to have kids. And I don't mean my in laws who just want a grand baby, I mean everyone! Especially my so called friends (users) who say I would make such a wonderful mother. I'm so loving and nurturing and generous. Well, I can be because I don't have kids. So when your baby comes around I have the patience at the time to care for it, and sure I know how to take care of a child, but I don't want to. I'm a good loving person, but I just don't want to have any kids. SO STOP FUCKING ASKING ME. And stop trying to guilt me into it. It's not going to work. I don't want to be miserable like everyone else that I know who has kids. And whether they admit it or not a lot of them are jealous and misery loves company.
The truth is I love my life exactly how it is. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. So please people just leave us DINKs alone. Go pay attention to your own children and let us have our lives. Stop telling us how selfish we are. How is it that you are doing the world a favor by procreating anyway? How are we the ones being selfish? And who gives a fuck if we are selfish? Do we not have a right to be?
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